Letter from Santa

(Parental Guidance suggested.)

Dear Friends;

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.

I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. 

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing. The 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking; and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swiming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird droppings. 

On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.

Maybe next year I will be able to get my act together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your butts down to Wal-Mart before everything is gone.

Sincerely;
Santa Claus